Saturday was my birthday. I did the obligatory wishing on a candle and blowing it out, but my feelings about the whole thing were mixed.
Normally I hate to be such a pessimist, but there is something about big annual events, like my birthday, that make me reflect on my life. I take a long-view of what has transpired and what is to come, and I can’t say that I am really thrilled with what I see right now. This year was worse than usual because it seems that I am beginning menopause, and it aint good. First I have to accept that I am really that old. Sheesh, how did that happen? Second, I have to face the fact that I will never have children. Of course I realize that I passed childbearing age a long time ago, but it was still a possibility – no matter how remote. Now, all hope is gone. Thirdly, my hormones are so out of whack that I feel awful most of the time. I am not my usual perky self. Instead I am tired, irritable, disinterested, negative, sore, fatigued, and my mind is foggy.
So you can understand why it’s hard for me to be excited about my birthday when I am fat, alone, and menopausal. Yeah, happy birthday to me. [eye roll]
On the other hand, my uncle is visiting from Hawaii after 7 years, and it is great spending time with him and the having the whole family together. We have been doing lots of fun stuff, and enjoying those things with the fam has kept me from being a complete downer. Plus I know that my uncle is really enjoying spending time with us too. He is so warm and funny, and I have really loved hearing all of his stories about Hawaii and the people who live there. One more dinner tonight and then he’ll be gone again. Maybe we can go visit him there. Who doesn’t want to go to Hawaii?!?!