Yesterday I went to a wedding. My boss’s son got married and everyone from work was invited. We were all at the same table at the reception. The other 3 ladies all looked lovely and I told them so. No one said anything like that to me. That tells me two things.
One, those bitches couldn’t even throw me a bone. They know I tried. My makeup was perfect, my hair stylish, and my dress fit me well. I looked as good as I could, but they wouldn’t deign to pay me a compliment.
Two, I really don’t look good. I used to get compliments from time to time, even though I was heavy. But now I am so large that I never really look good. I always look not quite put together.
I felt freakish at the reception full of beautiful people. Three times I had the same thing happen to me: I walked over to a group of people, and they all left. It was weird, just as I walked over to them, suddenly without any notable reason, they all decided they wanted to be somewhere else. The first time I barely noticed. The second time I took note, by the third time I began to feel conspicuous and uncomfortable. It was not a coincidence, or paranoia. No, these people were leaving because I was there. I don’t get it. I think I give off a nice, friendly vibe. I smile, I look people in the eye, I introduce myself. I can only assume that when standing next to me, people feel fat-by-association, and so need to get away as quickly as possible, before they are swept into the social pariah group along with me.
Other horrible social interactions that I am all too familiar with also occurred. But the worst was after dinner when everyone is dancing. By now, everybody has had a few drinks and all the single guests end up hanging out in the same area (usually by the bar), and start flirting with each other. Well, I have been through this before so I know what is coming, and I’m not staying for it. I don’t need to stand there while everyone talks around me – like I’m the invisible woman. It’s humiliating. So just as the party was heating up, I left. Which was fine. I didn’t know anyone there except the groom and my coworkers, and being ignored by dozens of singles is not my idea of a good time. Adios. To comfort myself I took a bag of candy from the favor table and ate it all on the way home – another good choice.